


A Very Homestuck Christmas

by cyberneticNeon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Eve, Con Air, Gen, Rhyming, Sbahj refrances, shipstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28306113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberneticNeon/pseuds/cyberneticNeon
Summary: And by that I mean everyone on the ship bickers, Nanna tries to keep this family together, and Davesprite insults the rhyme scheme.Aka ‘Twas the night before Christmas but it’s shipstuck.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	A Very Homestuck Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the ship,  
Not a consort was stirring, not even a ‘thip’.  
The conksuck boots were hung by kringlefucker with care,  
While Jade and Davesprite were going to watch Con-Air.

While Jade and her dog ears,  
And Davesprite with his wings,   
Were walking off to Egbert’s dumb Christmas thing,  
Davesprite groaned, “Ugh I really shouldn’t be here, this is gonna suck.”  
Jade chirped back, “Don’t you dare make John sad you non-commital fuck.”

When suddenly from the TV room there arose such a clatter,  
They ran down the hall to see what was the matter.  
When what to their wandering eyes should appear,   
But Nannasprite sitting on the couch with root beer.

The two entering the scene were quite a bit confused,  
‘Bout the absence of chaos, and Nanna, bemused.  
Nanna laughed, “Oh I won’t spoil the surprise, hoo hoo hoo!”  
“Just know that the Christmas Spirit soon comes for you two.”

But before Davesprite could question her rhyming,  
The crashing noises clattered again with impeccable timing.  
See, John had been setting up for a Christmas prank,  
As he pulled up is a ride later described as “dank.”

With a shit eating grin as he rode up to his prey,  
In an artifact covered and watermarked sleigh.  
In keeping with the whole jpeg Christmas theme,  
John took ‘shit, lets be santa’ to the logical extreme.

It was unreal the air that the majykk sleigh got,  
Afterwards John leapt off, as there was little forethought.  
Davesprite then inquired, “What in the actual fuck was that?”  
As John floated himself down with a pixely beard and santa hat.

John then sighed, “Oh my god don’t ruin this too bird Dave.”  
Nannasprite then scolded them, with a, “You boys behave!”  
Davesprite then said, “Yeah, no this is fucking weird.”  
John exasperatedly claimed, “Dude, it's just a hat and a beard!”

“No, like dude everyone’s fucking rhyming today,   
did I miss a memo or what?” Davesprite said with dismay.  
“It’s like someone was trying to come up with some Christmassy rhyming shit,   
But didn’t actually put any actual effort into it.”

John then gave him a look, “Dave sprite what are you talking about?”  
But their meta conversation was interrupted by a shout.  
The shitty old sleigh had been caught in the lights,  
And with a stock explosion gif and some fitting soundbites,

Exploded the room, destroying the hull,   
But it really didn’t matter, because physics is null.  
But this earrape explosion had woke the whole town,  
And consorts had run here from meters around.

When they saw the destruction and bickering too,  
They conferred with Nanna for this simply won’t do.  
And Nannasprite there with a gleam in her eye,  
As if she’d been waiting for this very outcry.

She started Con Air and with a soft “Hoo hoo hoo!”  
Gave a quick fast forward to 2:17:02.  
When a song started playing, namely “How do I live,”  
Everyone was reminded, ‘Tis a season to forgive.

Whether God Tier or sprite,  
Christmas or Pedigree’s Eve,  
Friends, family and goodwill are for tonight.  
(Though some’d rather aggrieve.)

**Author's Note:**

> Murray Crimbo to all, and to all a good shite!  
> My only cowriter was RhymeZone.com so I'd appreciate some thoughts in the comments on if this was any good.


End file.
